A Moving Conversation with a Lesbian Activist in Uganda

November 12, 2009

Today, I finally got to meet Val, the co-ordinator of the coalition of 20+ groups in Uganda fighting against the Anti-Homosexuality bill currently active in the Ugandan Parliament that I wrote about earlier. (Apparently a similar bill is being considered in Rwanda but a Westerner who lives there and seems knowledgeable said that it is probably unlikely to move forward because it would not serve the interests of the current president who wouldn't want to antagonize western interests.)

As I mentioned in a previous blog posting, this bill is more than harsh. Parents, for example, who do not report their gay children to police authorities would be subject to fines of $5,000 and prison penalties. Possession of printed materials and discussions of gay rights or homophobia would also involve criminal penalties as would saying anything that could be construed as supporting people in feeling comfortable with the non-straight identities or inclinations. And gays themselves would be subject to potential sentences of life imprisonment for living as gay people with another gay, consenting adult.

It was my perception that Val didn't see immediately how my presence in Uganda and willingness to speak in behalf of gay rights as the mother of a gay son whom I adore and want to be safe could be of a support to the movement. She said that Ugandans already think of homosexuality as a “Western thing”, not really native to Africa and my speaking out would only confirm that impression. If I were a Uganda woman she could see that as really being helpful. But despite her knowing a large number of LGBT people in Uganda, she was not aware of any parent who would was supportive of a gay offspring, much less be willing to speak out publicly in their behalf. The potential for shame and ostracism is so huge, homosexuality is so taboo as a topic for discussion in Ugandan society (even “straight” sex is not considered OK to talk about), that the cost would be too great for a parent to speak up in this manner.

We had a wonderful conversation. Val talked about her passion for devoting her life to social change. She had previously worked as a journalist for one of the leading papers in Uganda but as she became public about her activism (doing her activism on her own time, or course) she experienced pressure to choose between working for the newspaper or being an activist. The paper was not comfortable with her visibility as a lesbian and her working for the paper. She chose the activist route. Now, she essentially works full-time for a lesbian rights organization supported by a lesbian group in the United States. She receives only expenses and no salary for her work. The supporters, for some reason, pay administrative expenses and rent but are not willing to pay salaries. So Val lives hand -to-mouth on donations from friends and whatever. She is a very curious person and eager to learn and is going to sit in on the last part of my course on Nonviolent Communication.

Val spoke of the hardships that gay people face in Uganda. Arranged marriages are still done in Uganda and many gay men and women are forced to get married to opposite gender people. They may choose to have same gender lovers on the side and that increases risks for the spread of HIV and AIDS. She said that the fear of complete rejection from family and friends keeps most gays deeply closeted and the stress of the secrecy presents great emotional challenges which are associated for many gays with problems of substance abuse. Many lesbians are also targeted and traumatized by male relatives through what is called “curative rape.” If you are guessing that this refers to the belief that a woman can be “cured” of her lesbianism by being raped by a man you are accurate in your guess.

Val and I talked about the absence of counseling services for LGBTs and the lack of knowledge of how gays can most effectively support each other emotionally. I offered to do a workshop on this topic before I leave Uganda and we have set a date and started making plans.

Val, herself, is an orphan who has been completely rejected by her family for being who she is. She wonders if she would be taking this same path of activism and visibility if she were risking the loss of the love and acceptance of her parents. It would mean a great deal to her to be accepted by her parents and for them to see how much she has accomplished in the face of extreme hardship.

I felt extremely moved by this woman and her desire to support all LGBTs in having better lives. I hope our relationship continues to grow and that I can be of some support to her as she is a source of inspiration to me.

Note: A public meeting to discuss the bill is coming up next week at the university where I am teaching and Val suggested that would be a good place for me to speak up as the loving mother of a gay son and as a person teaching at the university. I spoke with the chairman of the department who has made my teaching possible and he said that the repercussions to him could be potentially huge. He could lose a lot of influence and status and be severely reprimanded for sponsoring a teacher who would talk publicly about such things. Val indicated that last Spring the newspaper she used to work for had an American intern who reported objectively the events surrounding the bill and there was so much outcry about having this material in the newspaper that the American Embassy told the intern she should leave the country for her own well-being. I have decided, in consideration of the chairman, to identify myself as a retired teacher from Binghamton University doing volunteer work in Uganda.