Thoughts from visiting orphaned and vulnerable children

Oct. 1, 2009

The visit today was similar in some ways to the visit with the HIV+/AIDS children on Monday, Sept. 28; most of the children with HIV/AIDS have lost one or both parents and a significant number of the children classified as orphaned or vulnerable (that is, from extremely poor families and circumstances) are HIV+.

And thinking of our discussion of the children, this time I was particularly alert to noticing the children's nonverbal behavior. They were very curious about us – where are you from? What is the weather like? What sports do you like? They were relatively open to sharing with us, after we broke the ice by playing some games together. I noticed how much energy they had for running and competing. And how eagerly they cheered the other children on who were on their team. And how excited they were to be playing with simple objects (a hoola hoop, a ball) or no objects other than their own hands (clapping games, tag games, etc.)

I couldn't help wondering whether American children have paid a serious price for the ready availability of TV, DVDs, and all manner of video games.

I am also surprised to reflect on how this experience of getting to know hardship is similar and different from what I learned in my trip to India in 2007. In 2007 I traveled more or less independently, sometimes with my friend Kanya, sometimes with my husband Bill, son Justin and Justin's partner, Mohamad, and sometimes alone. Because I had made connections in India from my Nonviolent Communication work, I and we were able to visit various non-governmental and governmental agencies and families hosted by Indian people. I am now really appreciating how very much we saw that way and how rich and deep the experience was. On the present trip, I am extremely grateful to the organizers for doing their best to arrange meaningful learning experiences for us, and yet the cumbersomeness of traveling and visiting in a group of 13 – 19 people leads to both great inefficiencies in the use of our time and also barriers to connection when one or two local people are being interviewed in the context of a large group that is trying its best to be respectful and culturally sensitive. (Note: often we would divide into sub-groups of 5 or so, but there was still and “institutional” feel to our visit and some of the people we were visiting may have perceived our visit as some sort of “official” visit from NGO people rather than the informal sharing of experiences that we intended.)

The hypothesis that I am entertaining at this time is that traveling alone or with one or two compatible others may be a preferred mode for me. I am thinking that it gives flexibility, manageability and a potential depth to my interactions with people whom I meet that is difficult to have in the large group setting. For me the serious issue is potential loneliness from a lack of connection. There have definitely been times in my past when I have had “melt downs” when traveling alone – felt miserable and lonesome. So far, in my recent international trips this has not been a serious problem. I do remember a few bouts of misery in the 2007 Asia trip and some definite longing for closeness and intimacy in the 2008 Asia trip, but there were not very extended and I think my strategies for survival and connection (primarily low-cost telephone calls to the United States and e-mail connections worked pretty well. I guess I will have lots of opportunity to see how good that really is for me during the 6 weeks that I will be in Uganda and 2 weeks in Kenya. Wish me luck! AND if you would like to connect through e-mail or writing comments on my blog postings, I will be totally grateful.